Forgiveness

Forgiveness

Ask anyone you meet if they have ever been hurt by another.  You will hear a resounding YES! Now ask how they handled the hurt and you will hear many different stories about resentment, revenge, internalizing, depression, anger, and sadness but few stories about forgiveness.  Why?  Why would anyone hold onto pain if they don’t have to?  What is it in our nature to harbor ill feelings or hold onto past pain?  Studies show that holding onto emotional pain transpires into physical illness.  Dis-ease has been linked to our mental wellbeing.  If we have the power to heal ourselves, where do we start?

Some call it letting go; others call it forgiving.  Not only forgiving others, but forgiving ourselves.  Forgiving someone doesn’t mean denying the other person’s responsibility for hurting you.  Forgiving someone isn’t excusing the act.  Forgiveness is a practice for compassion, empathy, kindness and peace. 

Holding pain inside is a breeding ground for negative feelings.  Negative feelings in turn come out through anger, resentment, and the desire to seek vengeance.  Negative feelings also keep us from enjoying the present; turning into depression and anxiety ultimately sabotaging those relationships we hold so dear.

Practicing forgiveness is a commitment to change.  Moving away from a victim role and taking a more proactive and positive stance on your wellbeing will move you toward a more peaceful and enjoyable life.

Sometimes an act seems unforgivable.  Place yourself in their shoes.  Consider how you would have reacted or behaved if it were you. Accept that we are all human and have occasional imperfections. With any decision to make a change, journaling is an easy way to document and reflect on your feelings, which will help move you toward your goal.

Forgiveness is within you, there is no guarantee it will change the offender or future acts and therefore it is important for you to know that forgiving someone may not give you the immediate outcome you desire – this is an internal practice that will ultimately change your external world but is a personal practice and not a means to change someone else.

Real coaching goes deep into your reasons, and purpose and helps you develop an internal beacon, so you are your own motivator.

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Flexibility

Flexibility

The first thing that comes to mind is yoga.  When we practice yoga everyday our bodies become flexible and we are able to bend down and touch our toes and scratch that sweet spot on the back we couldn’t get before. 

How about yoga for the mind?  How about stretching and letting go and practicing and breathing and holding poses (thoughts) for periods of time?  Mental yoga!  What a concept.  If you have ever taken a yoga class then you know exactly what I am talking about.  And if you haven’t – go take one right now! 

Yoga is the practice of stretching and holding poses for periods of time and focusing on your breathing – a movement meditation that grounds you and balances your chakras.  It is absolutely relaxing and worth a try.

Now let’s do that with our minds – opening up and letting in all the happiness that we all crave.  Isn’t that what everyone says – when asked – what do you want – I want to be happy.  Why are so many people unhappy?  Are they really unhappy or do they just need to do some mental yoga to open up their minds and welcome in flexibility? 

What does it mean to be flexible?  More than willing to meet someone 30 minutes later than scheduled.  It means to embrace life, live in the present, be open to change, be willing to accept what is, to be happy that you are breathing and your heart is beating.  This is freedom.  This mental wellbeing is what flexibility is. 

This isn’t to be confused with accepting everything as is and thinking all is good and positive.  There is a yin and yang to everything. With good is bad.  With cause is effect.  But imagine using the entire spectrum of emotions to move you towards those things that you value the most.  Family, health, life… whatever is most important to you.

Ø  Stretch your mental muscles through acceptance, curiosity and commitment. 

Ø  Accept negative emotions as opposed to trying to control or eliminate them. This in turn will help you make better choices and decisions and will reduce anxiety.

Ø  Curiosity allows you to observe and explore negative reactions without judgments that will cloud and impede the learning process.

Ø  Freeing your mind from resistance makes committing to actions and behaviors easier and allows you to be more open.

Negative thoughts should be accepted into your mind – then ask yourself why you are thinking that way and what is the outcome you seek by having these negative thoughts – then release them making room for more productive positive thoughts to enter.

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Fear

Fear

Fear is critical to our survival.  It keeps us protected from legitimate threats and danger.  If we only had life threatening fears, we’d be a very different society.  Instead we have additional irrational fears based on traumas, bad experiences, or those all too often handed down fears from our ill-advised relatives.

Looking at your fears, take a quick inventory in your head of what you are afraid of.  Heights is usually at the top of the list and a legitimate fear although some go to extremes but there is a danger element in falling.  What else makes your list?  Wild animals? Spiders? Rejection? Pain? Flying? Swimming? Public Speaking? Relationships? People? The color blue? 

Fears are thoughts that we create based on experiences either that we have had or others have had and have imprinted onto our minds.  These fears are created, perpetuated and held in our minds.  Sometimes even becoming too intense and then we develop anxieties and find our fears crippling our progress.

By giving in and accepting our fears, we cannot move forward.  We cannot grow.  We are stopped in our tracks.  For example, fear of failure is common in varying degrees.  It keeps people from progressing in their careers, relationships, commitments.  People who exhibit this fear tend to stay in dead end jobs, stay in bad marriages, take the hand that’s dealt to them.  Accepting life as is and not daring to risk failing so why bother, why try?  How about fear of rejection?  I’m not good enough anyway… I can’t do that job, I don’t have the credentials or experience and they won’t like me anyway…

So frustrating, right?  We all know someone like this.  Maybe it’s us?  Maybe we need a little push, a little self confidence, a realization that the fear we carry with us is made up, make believe, we can change our thinking and let go of whatever trauma we hold on to that makes the fear so real – so tangible – so part of our lives that we accepted long ago that it just is. 

Sometimes we need help from others to work through our fears.  Sometimes we need a trusting mentor to show us the way, to gently guide us on our journey and break free of these fear chains we have grown to “love” so much. 

Real coaching goes deep into your reasons, and purpose and helps you develop an internal beacon, so you are your own motivator.

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Enthusiasm

Enthusiasm

Enthusiasm is that place between perseverance and defeat.  It is what makes someone stay motivated and keep going and others give up and quit.  Enthusiasm.

So how does one get it and how does one keep it?  Look at your own life experiences to times when you lost your desire to work at something whether it was a marriage, a career, or something less dramatic as painting a room.  So you didn’t finish the room or you were too tired to touch up the trim.  Maybe you don’t call it quitting because it is insignificant on the giant spectrum of life but with something like a marriage or career, the results could be disastrous.

Imagine you want something so wonderful – so out of reach – anything – a car, a career, a house, a spouse, a smaller waistline, whatever it is – imagine it.  Do you feel energy inside you – don’t worry about how you will get it – just imagine it.  The how isn’t important – release that from your mind.  OK, you have that image now.  Now think about that every day.  That image.  Keep that image alive.  Every time you think about it you can add more detail to it.  If it were a house, you can start to add furniture and accessorize the house.  The color of the walls, the carpet or tile or wood flooring.  The light fixtures.  Every time you think about it feel the energy.  That energy is enthusiasm. 

So now you know what that feels like – let’s build on that feeling and keep it alive.  You have a job to do, some task, and you aren’t feeling too motivated or enthusiastic about it.  You can use self-talk to give you energy.  You know that if you do it now you will be grateful later.  You know that this task is the right thing to do and the benefits will outweigh the energy spent on the task now.  Focus on the end result to build your motivation.

Sustain enthusiasm by understanding what the outcome is to your actions.  Enthusiasm is an emotion that you show and feel and sometimes when you aren’t feeling so enthusiastic about something, you can pretend to be and the more you pretend, you trick your mind into believing that you actually are enthusiastic.  It is a phenomenon that will help you sustain your enthusiasm when you aren’t feeling very motivated or full of energy. 

Being enthusiastic about a task at hand will spill into other areas of your life and you will see that your positive enthusiastic attitude will lighten up a room.  You will become that person others are drawn to. 

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Efficiency

Efficiency

Can you imagine that there may be a better way to doing what you do?  Can you accept that idea?  Are you open minded enough to ask others for differing opinions?  If you are able and willing to look at things through different eyes, read on.

How many times have you completed your daily routine without even thinking twice about which shoe went on first, if you brushed your teeth, if you washed your hair? 

We are creatures of habit.  We do things a certain way because, well, it works! Or that’s how I always did it.  Because, I don’t know! Because that is how my mom/dad taught me.  Because that is what my big brother did… Hmmmm. 

So maybe it’s time to re-examine how you do what you do and why you do it and see if there is a better more efficient way of doing it? Maybe if you stop for a moment and say ok, I am going to consciously take notice of my life, my actions, my choices, you may immediately see that its time for a change.

Awareness is key to moving from a dependent state of doing to an independent state of being.  Examine your actions and take responsibility for the outcomes.  Now that you are aware of your outcomes and how you got there, examine these outcomes and decide if these need changed as well.  By focusing on the end result, you can make the necessary changes early on to better direct your time and energy. 

Real coaching goes deep into your reasons, and purpose and helps you develop an internal beacon, so you are your own motivator.

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Dreams and Reality

Dreams and Reality

Have you wanted to set a large goal for yourself but are afraid to even give it the time and energy to create the plan to achieve it?

Every achievement starts as an idea.  That idea then becomes a theory. That theory then becomes a fact thus yielding an achievement.  This process is the result of the highest form of positive thinking.

There is a creative form of energy and it manifests itself as our imagination.  When activated, it is able to build clear and vivid images.  When we dream, our minds are filled with illogical thoughts like levitating or being outside in a bathing suit while it is snowing and not feeling cold. When building an idea, we need to not concern ourselves with the “How”.  First we must build the image and then the “How” will reveal itself to us.  We want to keep our mind free of clutter so we can build this picture in color – be able to use our senses to bring it to reality.

Now that we have the image, we have to commit to being able and willing to create this. This is where we step out of our comfort zone and move beyond the limits of our belief system.  This is where doubts try to infiltrate our minds creating fear and then ultimately we give up on our dreams.  Questioning how is pointless as you couldn’t possibly know how since you have never done this before so let the need to know go and continue to focus on the image.

Once the commitment is set and you are willing and able to move forward, the idea moves into the next phase of the process and turns into a goal.  From here the image is moved to the subconscious mind as emotions form and attach to the idea turning it into physical form.

The idea and you begin to merge and your vibrations change, causing behaviors to change. These changes start an attraction force that builds your awareness of the opportunities that always were there but are now visible and in line with your goal.  Through faith and a belief in this idea, you have moved what was once a dream into a reality.

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Drama

Drama

How many times have you heard someone say – I don’t want any drama in my life.  That is a very trendy term right now and if you or someone you know is single and dating – that is tossed around like please and thank you!

Everyone claims to hate drama but somehow we find ourselves in it way too often.  Some of us are drama junkies and thrive for it as it gives us a sense of importance.  Some us create it and then swoop in as the savior to “fix” whatever caused it.  How would you like to learn how to navigate through drama with ease? 

What is drama?  It is defined as a situation that involves conflict leading to a climax.

Wow.  Does that change your view of drama already?

We all know someone who seems to attract drama.  Usually these people don’t really want that in their lives but due to some underlying trauma they have experienced in the past, the drama is like a comfortable place for them.  They relive the trauma over and over through drama filled episodes and some of us get caught up in it again and again.

Drama in adults can be compared to the terrible twos.  Some toddlers haven’t developed their communication skills when dealing with conflict and will typically act out with a temper tantrum.  Imagine an adult who is unable to regulate their emotions and handle conflict and they act out with an adult temper tantrum that may include backstabbing, gossiping, and verbal abuse.

Drama exists in the movies for a reason – it is entertaining.  It gives us a distraction momentarily.  We are attracted to drama in the movies much like we are attracted to it in the real world even if we claim we aren’t.  Drama is caused by a distorted thought and we always have the option, the choice, to engage or disengage in the events about to unfold.

1. Stay away from distorted thinking and distorted thinkers is a start.  If you don’t feed the beast, it will go somewhere else to eat.

2. When someone is unloading on you, listen.  Just listen.  They are looking for an ear not your opinion.  This will keep you from engaging in the situation, which can escalate the problem. Don’t talk – don’t discuss – don’t look for a solution.  Let the energy die down before engaging in any conversation.

Real coaching goes deep into your reasons, and purpose and helps you develop an internal beacon, so you are your own motivator.

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. Decisions

Decisions are a mental activity every one of us engages in on a daily basis.  From deciding when to wake up, to what to eat, to how to spend our day, to where to spend our money, to whom to spend our time with... decisions are part of our daily life.

That doesn’t mean we are good at making decisions.  Many of us make very bad decisions every day and only a few of us make good decisions consistently.  Why is there such disparity in this?  What keeps us from making sound decisions? 

Did you know that you could virtually eliminate conflict and confusion by becoming proficient at making decisions?  Once you make a decision, you will find all the people, resources and ideas you need every time.

Indecisiveness is a decision to not make a decision.  This is typically fueled by the fear of failure.  Low self esteem and succumbing to circumstances is why so many people make poor decisions. 

If you have an idea, a desire, a wish, a worthy ideal, make the decision to achieve whatever it is you want.  Once you make this decision, the people, resources, and ideas will be attracted to you because your belief in achievement will supersede your fears and circumstances.  Your belief will be the catalyst that changes your behaviors, your actions, and ultimately your results.

Keep your focus on your visions, your worthy ideal.  Refuse to worry about how it will happen - know that you are capable of anything you put your mind to and make the decision today to DECIDE WHERE YOU ARE WITH WHATEVER YOU’VE GOT.

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Critical Thinking

Critical Thinking

Critical thinking is utilizing our higher faculties to understand and evaluate subject matter; or to put it simply “knowing how to think.”  When we were in elementary and secondary school, we were taught what to think. We were subjected to a lot of information and now, the trend is to teach to pass a test. We memorize what is needed, take the test, and then forget what we remembered.  If we pursued higher education, most of us college graduates continued down the same path of learning what to think again for that anticipated test at the end of each semester. It isn’t until we pursue advanced degrees that we are then required to know how to think.

Consider this conclusion from the National Commission on Excellence in Education in its landmark report, A Nation at Risk, 1983:

“Many 17-year olds do not possess the “higher-order” intellectual skills we should expect of them.  Nearly 40 percent cannot draw inferences from written material; only one-fifth can write a persuasive essay; and only one-third can solve a mathematics problem requiring several steps.”

 

This trend in education has taught us to mind dump everything we know when sharing information. When conducting masterminds or presenting our principles and ideas to prospects, take a moment and evaluate your approach. Are you unconsciously mind dumping everything you know in your allotted time or are you taking the time to help others develop conclusions and their own thought.

Critical thinking is a higher-order level of thinking. It is the ability to think for one’s self and responsibly make those decisions that affect one’s life.  In addition, critical thinking is also critical inquiry: investigating problems, asking questions, and posing new challenging answers.

Consider the benefits of helping develop others’ critical thinking skills.  They will be able to better understand your ideas and better accept your methodologies if they are able to understand, evaluate and conclude in a critical way. In addition, by developing your own critical thinking skills, you will be better equipped to share this your life changing information with your clients, co-workers, friends and family.

Critical thinking requires advanced listening skills. Lecturing to others is a passive activity that does not inhibit audience participation. To critically evaluate needs, it is necessary to present ideas and then allow the group to develop conclusions - openly discuss and debate these new ideas.  Allow the group to think deeply about your ideas and in turn, value what they think and feel. Share these ideas in an environment that allows them to think their ideas matter. Ask them to make connections and recognize patterns in the new ideas you are presenting. These techniques allow your group to begin to develop trust in themselves and their thoughts, which in turn develops their critical skills.

At the conclusion of your discussion, to further develop critical thought, ask your participants to write out the most significant thing they learned AND what single thing they would like to learn more about. This is immediate feedback about what they are learning and what they still need to understand. When presenting - encourage queions and praise the questioner with these examples: “Good question” or “I am sure others want to know that as well”. When your audience asks questions, this is a great indicator that they are thinking critically 

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Commitment

A commitment should be treated as a binding contract with yourself. However many of us break our commitments.  We commit to people, banks, work, pets, ourselves… A commitment is something that you have no doubts about. Something you give 100% of your whole self to. 

Commitment is a fulfilling endeavor that when followed through gives an immense sense of accomplishment.  Think about something you have committed to, followed through with to the end, and how you felt at the end knowing you didn’t break it along the way.  Weight loss, getting a formal education, going for the big contract and landing it…

Sometimes commitment can be confused with staying with something long after you should.  Like a dead end job or a loveless marriage.  If you have any of this in your life, let’s look at it for a moment.  Ask yourself why you are still in something that you have doubts about or don’t believe in or worse yet, that you give less than all of you to.  People pick up on this subtle behavior.  To stay committed to something, you have to put effort in and periodically change up what you are doing to keep it alive and fresh.

Commitments are what ground you and keep you active and engaged in life.  Being free and having few commitments sounds so refreshing to many who have spouses, children, pets, jobs, mortgages… but for only a fleeting moment when life feels heavy and burdensome.  We are social creatures who desire connections and relationships with others; a sense of accomplishment and pride in our contributions to making life better for everyone in our lives including ourselves. 

Sometimes we need help with our commitments and we seek out this help through our friends, co-workers, spouses, coaches, mentors… By asking for help, we are strengthening our commitment to ourselves and others; we are fulfilling our obligations contractually with ourselves to follow through to the end, no matter what it takes.

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Compassion

Compassion

Compassion is the result of expressing empathy for others’ suffering.  It is one of the most quintessential components to living a peaceful and harmonious life and brings immediate and long-term happiness when practiced.

When there is a desire to develop compassion in your life, the key is to make it a daily practice.  Start each day with meditation, when interacting with people practice compassion and when preparing for sleep, reflect on compassion.  By incorporating this practice into our daily lives, it becomes a part of us. 

Compassion also carries positive physical benefits.  Practicing compassion has shown to increase DHEA by 100%. DHEA is an anti-aging hormone.  Practicing also reduces cortisol by 23%, which is the stress hormone. 

Compassion feeds spiritual and emotional being as well.  It allows us to be happier and to share our happiness with those around us.  Most of us desire peace and happiness and to share with others so it is logical to practice compassion to achieve that which we can have as quickly as right now.

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Comfort Zone

Comfort Zone

Comfort

On Wikipedia, comfort is defined as a sense of physical or psychological ease and a lack of hardship while uncomfortable are people lacking in comfort.  I disagree!  I am hung up in the word “lacking”.  I think people who are comfortable are lacking.  Let me explain. 

When you go along in life and stay within the lines, always on the safe side of the street, not taking risks and staying under the radar, you think you are comfortable.  You don’t ruffle feathers, you don’t cause problems, you avoid drama… Ha!

That is not the life I want to live. Not that I desire to ruffle feathers and be that obnoxious guy no one wants around. Far from it.  I want to be the person that takes the risks, that lives in that uncomfortable zone because that is where I am growing – taking life by the horns.  Experiencing new things.  Having new adventures. Dreaming big dreams and better yet, living the life I desire. 

Comfort is a place where boredom sets in.  I define comfort as eating TV dinners in front of the television night after night with nothing worthwhile to say to my spouse while my kids are glued to their fantasy role playing video games because our life is BORING! And Comfort is where I think those people live that are afraid of going for the big promotion because they live in fear that they aren’t good enough. 

Good enough. Ha!  I don’t subscribe to that philosophy.  We are all good enough.  In fact we are better than good enough.  Good enough is not an option with me.  Did I always think this way? No.  I lived in comfort until one day a mentor pushed me.  I didn’t know he was my mentor at the time.  He was just my friend and he pushed me to dream bigger dreams. He pushed me to want more out of life. To go after the big fish. 

I have physical and psychological ease because I am reaching for the stars and I am going to do whatever it takes to get there!  My mentor pushed me and changed my thinking – he said – even though you don’t believe it now, trust in my belief in you. That was motivation enough for me – I trusted in his belief that I could and wow did my life change.  My mentor got me out from in front of that television and off the couch to living life!  And the best part is now I am mentoring others to achieve their dreams.  Comfort is not my goal – I’ll take uncomfortable any day!

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Change

If the facts don’t fit the theory, change the facts. ~ Albert Einstein

I love that quote!  Change is that scary word that most people shy away from.  I don’t want to change.  Why should I change?  Why doesn’t everyone else change to accommodate me?  If I change, then I will be out of my comfort zone.  Why change something that isn’t broken?

Change.  Asking someone to change is like expecting the sun to not rise.  Isn’t it a pointless request?  Change comes from within.  Change is something we do with ourselves.  Only we can control us, no one else.  So why ask, expect, anticipate, anything from someone else? 

Let’s focus on how to change us.  First why would anyone want to change themselves?  Is it because they don’t like the outcome?  Have you ever had a conversation with someone and you really want to change their mind about something?  You try so hard to convince them that your point of view is right and theirs is wrong!  Can’t they see that?  I mean do they realize just how foolish their ideas are?  Ha!

Cause and Effect.  Facts and Theory.  Yin and Yang.  If you don’t like the end result, then you need to change the actions.  If the facts don’t fit the theory, in other words, the end result of the facts is not the theory then the facts must change.  Your actions (cause) create an end result (effect).  If you don’t like the effect, change the cause.  If you want a particular effect, but aren’t getting it, then change the cause. 

It is really simple but we complicate it because we think it is everyone else that needs to change and not us.  Stop.  Take a breath.  Read that again.  It is really simple.  We want a different end result.  We need to make a change. 

If you want to convince someone you are right and they are looking at you like you have three eyes… stop.  Look within.  Why do you want to convince anyone of anything?  If someone cannot see your point of view for whatever reason, if someone is doing something that you do not like, if someone or something is not what you expected… then look within.  Look at what you are doing, thinking, saying,… take the blame off others and look at your actions and make the necessary changes and adjustments to achieve the end result you so desire.

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Challenges

Challenges

So many people wish life was easier, with less challenges and obstacles but without challenges, life becomes stagnant and we stop growing.  Challenges help us uncover who we are and it allows us to become better people. 

Let’s examine a very simple 4-step method to overcoming challenges.

First, state the problem clearly.  When we are faced with challenges, we tend to avoid the issue and run the other way burying our heads in the sand hoping it goes away.  Or we may say – ok, there is an obstacle, instead of heading right to it and plowing through, I am going to look for another path and even though that is not the way I want to go – it looks easier… less headache… but rarely does that work out.  When we avoid or go out of our way, we cause more headache in the end.  It takes more of our time, it takes more of our energy and we don’t get the end result we are looking for.  So take this time to understand what the challenge is.  Ask yourself what is the question, what is asked of me, what is the main goal? Write this down on paper.

Second, identify what you have at your disposal – what resources are available to you to work through this challenge? List all of these resources out.  These should include things such as tangible assets – money, computer, books, etc.  And then what skills you have, what are your strengths to work through this?  Don’t forget others – what access do you have to others that can help?

Third, design the strategy to overcome this challenge.  Utilize all your assets to create a plan of action.  You may find this plan will need to be tweaked as you execute and that is ok.  Keep at it.

Lastly, execute the strategy with effort and determination.  Do your very best with all you have to overcome your challenge.

If you find that you still cannot overcome a challenge, then re-evaluate.  If your strategy just won’t work because it isn’t viable or effective then change it. If your strategy doesn’t work because you didn’t execute it well enough, be persistent and tweak your efforts, giving it more. 

Practice this method on small challenges and see how easy it is to overcome.  Then try it on the big rocks! 

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Behavior

Behavior defined can be a physical thing one does such as a morning routine and it can be non-physical such as replaying negative thoughts all day long.   A few behaviors are instinctual and built in while the rest are learned through meeting needs.  What this means is that our behaviors are motivated by our needs and therefore we can be manipulated as well as

manipulate to have our needs met.

So when we have negative behaviors and we want to change them, we find it isn’t always so easy because these learned behaviors that we exhibit are actually rather complex.

There are two types of motivation – the motivation to approach something and the motivation to avoid something.  When we desire something, we are motivated to approach it therefore receiving positive reinforcement or feedback.  When we avoid something, we are motivated to move away from it or we will receive negative reinforcement or feedback.  This is pretty simple.  We understand that when we eat something sweet, most of us have a pleasant experience and when we eat something sour, our faces pucker and we try to avoid that experience again.

But let’s look at those things we approach or avoid because the thing doesn’t create that behavior, we do.  Some people desire the adrenaline rush of jumping out of an airplane. It is exhilarating – it is something they repeat again and again as it has a positive affect on them and they desire that and are motivated to seek that experience.  Some people avoid even the thought of getting on an airplane due to their learned fears that it will absolutely crash and they will die no matter what statisticians say – forget purposefully jumping out of a perfectly good airplane!  Did the airplane create these behaviors?  No!  We learned them.  And each of us react differently to different things, experiences, tastes, smells, thoughts, etc.  All because of our own personal thoughts and behaviors.

So how do you change your behaviors?  Your thoughts?  Let’s say you want to become a public speaker but you are petrified of speaking in front of people.  How can you overcome this fear, build confidence, perform and knock it out of the park? 

You have to change your behavior so that you are motivated to approach public speaking effortlessly without turning into a sweaty mess. 

 Practice.  Anything you try for the first time will be clumsy and awkward, maybe even difficult.  By practicing your speech – over and over again until it is so engrained in you and flows off your tongue as if it is just another story you are telling a friend, you build your confidence to speak to several friends or a small group… until you are ready to speak to a large audience.  Practice. 

Shaping.  Practice your speech and ask your audience (family members, friends, mentor, coach) for feedback.  Try giving it several different ways.  Break down the speech into bits and mix it up.  All the while correcting your approach and delivery until you shape your presentation and performance. 

Chaining.  Very good and effective speeches, keynote talks, sales pitches… are complex.  They are made up of many components within the speech to get you to the end result you desire – sell a product or service, teach a thought or program, build rapport with your audience, create new clients, whatever your end result is, your speech has to be built on a frame and chaining is how you piece it together so there is a natural flow, a rhythm that mesmerizes the audience. Think about a really good comedian who gets up on stage and tells little stories for the whole set and the last story wraps up and circles back to the first story – bringing the evening to a close so naturally and you give a standing ovation because you were mesmerized by how good he was – he practiced, shaped each story or joke, chained them all together and brought it to a close.

By using these techniques, you can change an old behavior that you don’t want for a new one that you do want.  Whatever you want to change, practice your new desired behavior, shape the new behavior by approaching it in different ways and ask for feedback all the while tweaking it, chain all the components of the new skills you are now mastering together and now you have successfully changed your behavior. 

If that sounds like something you want to develop, let's connect!

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